The Battle of Neshaminy

The Battle of Neshaminy was fought over the course of three brutally cold spring days in April 1994. What began as a small skirmish over a parking violation erupted into a full scale engagement between three 10-man Brigades of New Jersey Confederates and an entire Federal division of 50 angry Northeast Philadelphians.

Some of the fiercest fighting occurred in the vicinity of the mulched area where the swing sets now stand by the picnic pavilion. The much sought-after strategic rally point known as the "Port-of-Pottay" changed hands over thirty times during the course of the two and a half day battle. There was a lull in the fighting in the afternoon on the First Day, when the 2:00 battle was called off on account of some light drizzle. The men dug entrenchments and huddled together under rubber blankets for protection from the prolonged bombardment which lasted until nightfall.

A solitary drinking fountain on a concrete pedestal marks the exact spot where a Union Lieutenant Colonel named Bob twisted his ankle while picking up a dropped ice cream cone. His wound was treated by a veterinarian named Barbara, who had an Ace bandage and some Neosporin in her fanny pack, which saved the man's leg from being amputated. He was rushed to a nearby doctor's office and nursed back to health. It was the most severe casualty of the fighting on the Second Day, for which he later received the Congressional Red Badge of Courage.

It ended with a formal surrender and mutual cease-fire on Sunday evening, as both sides remembered they had to go to work on Monday. It was decided that in future reenactments of this historic battle, the Federal encampment would be located as far away from the Port of Pottay as possible, while the Confederate encampment would be directly next to it, as postwar reparations for the humiliating Confederate defeat suffered just two weeks earlier at the Battle of the Kentucky Fried Chicken parking lot.

 Please give us one weekend of your time each year, and join us on this preserved and protected historic battlefield, to pay respects to these brave men in blue and gray who shed their sweat and selflessly laid their admission tickets on the registration picnic table of freedom.